Nine Common Sexual Fantasies

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The idea of sex sparks multiple strong feelings, ranging from erogenous zones to favourite positions and fantasies. But even the most sexually active individuals, often find themselves feeling quite uncertain when deciding on what the erotic thoughts—or sexual fantasies—they have in their head might mean.

For many, due to societal standards, some of these kinky thoughts may seem quite deviant from the norm but there’s a high chance that your “taboo fantasies” are perfectly normal and healthy. In fact, according to research, those who engage in sexual fantasies are less anxious and have a greater sense of self-esteem.

If you find yourself often daydreaming about different sexual activities, this is completely normal. What’s even better is acting upon a shared fantasy with your partner to help improve your sexual relationship. Whether you enjoy role-playing, submission or exhibitionism, here are some of the most common sexual fantasies to let you know you’re not alone in this.

1. Multiple partners or group sex

One of the most popular sexual fantasies is the heart-pumping opportunity to have sex with multiple partners. Having sex with multiple partners, where one or more are either different genders or the same sex, is typically exciting due to the element of taboo it introduces.

Sex involving three partners is often referred to as a threesome while an orgy involves more people. In a 2017 study involving over 200 Canadian university undergraduates, 64 per cent revealed they had an interest in multiple partner sex. Also, in another study involving 788 British adults, it was discovered that men were more likely to fantasize about multiple partner sex, particularly with anonymous women.

2. Voyeurism

In pop culture, voyeurism is a common phenomenon where one secretly watches others engaging in sexual activity. However, this fantasy isn’t limited to the big screen, it is the desire of many people too.

While actual voyeurism is illegal, people can engage in consensual voyeurism with a live sex cam, where you can live out your fantasy watching “unsuspecting” people roleplay. There you can watch them masturbate, undress and engage in a series of sexual activities, without being on the wrong side of the law.

3. Exhibitionism

Similar to voyeurism, exhibitionism is a sexual fantasy that is more common than most people even realize. If you’ve ever gotten turned out by the thought of getting naked in front of your partner or having them watch you masturbate, then you’re an exhibitionist.

This fantasy involves getting excited by the thought or reality of engaging in sexual activities in front of an audience, whether it’s your partner or an unsuspecting stranger.

4. Public sex

While this might fall under exhibitionism, it is still a popular fantasy. Getting aroused by the thought of having sex in a public place like a parking lot, night club or alleyway is a fantasy shared by many people, whether male or female, according to a survey.

However, it is important to note that not all fantasies can be actualized in reality as they could be illegal. In most countries, public nudity or sexual acts is a criminal offence. Therefore, before engaging in public sex, be certain that it is permitted within your municipality.

5. Submission

This fantasy makes you want to appear vulnerable to whatever your partner wants. It could be that you’re handcuffed, blindfolded or being subtly spanked by your partner.

Most people who are thrilled by this fantasy are those who are often used to being in control, explains Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship specialist. For instance, imagine a senior executive who spends a large bulk of her time barking instructions at others, telling them what to do and how to do it; there’s a high chance that she would be very aroused by the idea of completely submitting to her partner’s sexual desires.

6. Domination

A domination fantasy is having absolute control over your partner. This fantasy goes hand-in-hand with the submission fantasy, where your partner allows you to be in control.

Dominant sex involves the consensual assumption of power and can involve tying up your partner, putting them in a specific sexual position and spanking, amongst others. In a survey by social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, 85 per cent of men and 76 per cent of women have fantasized about being the sexually dominant person in the bedroom.

7. Roleplaying and cosplay

Despite similar names, cosplay and roleplay are two different fantasies. Cosplaying involves dressing up like someone or something else, often adopted from a movie, video game or book. It isn’t necessarily sexual, but some people impersonate these characters during sexual activity.

For roleplaying, it is assuming the identity of someone else. You can roleplay in different ways, for example, playing out a fantasy where you are the dominant person or acting as a stranger.

8. Romantic sex

There isn’t a specified definition of what qualifies as romantic sex because it differs from person to person. But theoretically speaking, romantic sex is a sexual relationship where there’s a lot of emotional and sensual connection between both parties.

For those who fantasize about romantic sex, it could range from long, slow and sensual lovemaking to either tantric sex or even some BDSM involved. For example, tantric sex doesn’t focus on achieving orgasm, instead, it’s focused on heightening the whole sexual experience and every sensation that comes with it.

9. Homoeroticism and gender-bending

Homoeroticism is a type of fantasy where those involved engage in sexual acts with people of the same sex. This fantasy isn’t only experienced by queers or homosexuals, as it can be often done by people who primarily identify as heterosexuals.

For gender-bending, it is a fantasy held by those who are keen on breaking social norms or expectations of their respective gender.

“People might identify as straight, but they can have a little titillation about you know, imagining, or even engaging [in same-sex sexual acts],” said Deborah Fox, a certified sex therapist and clinical social worker.

Sexual fantasies are nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Desiring something is a key part of being sexual beings and having fantasies is just a normal reaction to that which is not only normal but equally healthy.

However, just because you have a certain fantasy doesn’t mean you really want to act on it. But if you eventually do, it is important to ensure it is consensual and respectful to both your partner and whatever local laws that may surround these activities.